When Less is Best

Each week as I write to you, I remind myself that my goal is to support and encourage caregivers who care for a loved one with a chronic or degenerative disease like Parkinson’s. My prayer is that you will feel that I have accomplished that goal today and with each successive post.

As a caregiver for my husband for 23 years, I felt the weight of increasing responsibility as his disease progressed. I had no medical training, so I always felt inadequate to care for him. Some days were absolute disasters, while other days it seemed we had smooth sailing. Sometimes I just didn’t know if I was doing a good job or if I was a total failure.

Knowing he would only get worse, every day I expected a new symptom to appear. It felt like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like typical Parkinson’s we went months with no change, and then something earth-shaking happened, and we would have to adapt. (Mostly it was ME who had to adapt.)

Even though things like that might cause us to stress or worry or fear or constantly nag our loved ones to be careful, each of those things is counterproductive to a peaceful life. And peace is the better goal.

As caregivers, peace is achieved by realizing that less is best in these areas:

Less stress – perfection is rarely achieved. And while it might be an admirable goal, let’s enjoy the success of doing our best in every situation. We know we can each accomplish that!

Less nagging – yes, I used the word nagging. Reminding. Warning (“don’t put your cup so close to the edge of the table”) Advising (“you need to use your walker”) Mentioning, emphasizing, etc. (Yes, I used the thesaurus!) Our loved ones will begin to tune us out when we talk too much. How about this – let’s talk less and do more. We can always walk over and move the cup away from the edge, and we can take the walker and put it in their hands without even saying a word. It may mean we have to DO more, but we can do it with a smile that promotes peace.

Less worry – if we’re doing everything right, about the future, about when the next symptom will appear, about anything! Worry doesn’t change the future and worry certainly doesn’t help our day go any better. Let’s leave it all in God’s hands.

Less fear – that we will know what to do when the next emergency arises. We may not be prepared for everything, but when we don’t know what to do, we can call for help. A better way is to enjoy the present.    

“Less is more” is a popular phrase, but in the case of fear and worry and nagging and stress, less is the goal. God has given us this time with our loved ones, so let’s fill it with peace and love, not worry or fear.

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